Religion and Theology

Grief is an integral part of life. There are many instances during the course of our lives where we encounter certain changes or losses that negatively impact our way of living and, hence, cause us to plunge into immense grief and sorrow and experience feelings of depression. This is especially true of military families, as outlined by Lynn K. Hall in her book Counseling Military Families. She has pointed out that such emotions are almost always a result of two types of changes in life. The first are planned changes  those changes which have come about after much thought and careful consideration and which are, to some extent, expected for example, moving to a new place. And then there are unplanned changes those circumstances which have occurred unexpectedly and, thus, instigate feelings of shock and alarm.

However, whether changes in life are planned or unplanned, the stages of dealing with feelings of grief, loss, sorrow and dejection, which inevitably follow, are more or less the same for all people, although more so in particular for those dealing with unplanned changes. These stages are described as under

Endings
Neutral Zones
New Beginnings

Endings This stage is initiated with a physical change something, place or person is lost or has changed. This is a stage where emotions are at its peak, when there is utter confusion, pain and anguish, and where the individual on the whole is extremely fragile.

There are generally four tasks that a person must accomplish in order to progress to the second phase of healing. These are to grieve, to find support (from friends and family), to deal with practical issues and to finally accept what has happened. Initially, a person just needs to fully experience the feelings of sorrow and pain that are naturally associated with such a change.

Neutral Zones This stage occurs when people have begun to accept the fact that the loss or change has taken place. Here, people finally get in touch with their present as they feel a need to re-discover who they are after this particular development which they have encountered. They then take active measures to incorporate themselves into their current reality. Here, too, certain tasks need to be fulfilled namely, surrender and forgiveness, self-evaluation and re-claim strengths and then finally make plansset goals. This is the point in the transition process where the person surrenders to hisher new reality, not out of resignation but in terms of taking on a new challenge. Also, the individual finds the power within himselfherself to forgive whether it is people or God. The final step involves self-evaluation after one has lost the role one played before the advent of the tragedy or change and to start anew in terms of making plans and setting new goals

New Beginnings This is the last and final stage of the transition process. Here, people not only come to terms with the incident that has occurred, but also open up to what the future has to offer. Although the future is still unknown, people may be willing to give it a chance as the feelings of sorrow and anguish may have become less intense with the passage of time. The tasks here are the willingness to risk taking action in order to achieve some of the goals that were set during the Neutral Zone stage, an interest in making an investment in others and the last, but most important, is the meaning that the person has been able to derive from this experience.

In conclusion, the existence of these stages underscores the importance of caring for and dealing with people who have just experienced a traumatic loss or change in their lives.